How a Resurrection Really Feels

Thanks Michael and Fr. Phil (go Jesuits!) for the rec...



her parents named her halleluiah, the kids all called her holly. if she scared you then she's sorry. she's been stranded at these parties. these parties they start lovely but they get druggy and they get ugly and they get bloody.
the priest just kinda laughed. the deacon caught a draft. she crashed into the easter mass with her hair done up in broken glass. she was limping left on broken heels. when she said father can i tell your congregation how a resurrection really feels?

holly was a hoodrat. now you finally know that. she's been disappeared for years. today she finally came back. she said: st. louis had enslaved me. i guess santa ana saved me. st. peter had me on the queue. the st. paul saints they waved me thru.
i was all wrapped up in some video booth. when i heard her say i love you too.

she said i've laid beneath my lovers but i've never gotten laid. some nites she felt protected. some nites she felt afraid. she spent half last winter justa trying to get paid. from some guy she'd originally thought to be her saviour. they wrote her name in magic marks. on stopsigns and subway cars. they got a mural up on e.13th. that said halleluiah rest in peace. halleluiah was a hoodrat. and now you finally know that. she's been disappeared for years. today she finally came back.

walk on back. walk on back. she said don't turn me on again. i'd probably just go and get myself all gone again. holly was a sexy mess. she looked strung out but experienced. so we all got kind of curious.

Jars of Clay: Ship Wreck

Another "discovery" from Emily, this is a song from Jars' "Roots and Wings" EP. What a gorgeous and thoughtfully poignant song. I love it.

Ship Wreck
Jars of Clay

One two, one two

He put it in the bottle and he threw it out to sea
But the tide would not surrender and it floated to the beach
So the message of apology his love would never see
He walked around that island all shipwrecked and heavy

The scars of early childhood still showing on the skin
Necessary enemy so healing could begin
From the message of apology his heart might soon break free
For now he walks that island all shipwrecked and ready

Low beyond horizon lines, across the salty sea
A boat without a captain makes its way to some city
He prays that it would sail its course to lover or to kin
And fan a thirst for searching and finding him again
Finding him again, finding him again

song of the day

I'm Afraid I'm Not Supposed to Be Like This
Waterdeep

Well I’m afraid I’m not supposed to be like this
Like I was born in a land where no serpent hissed
And I have waited a long time for Your kiss

Well I have felt that they’d all take offense at me
And so a fence I have built to protect the seed
But all the bricks will secure its mortality

I have been seated in circles and stood in disgrace
At the noted intention to be in place
And I have seen that one man saved the human race
But it took His life and it took His faith

I have risen from ashes and fed on flames
But even so I still fear I have played a game
And it seems no one else is as sick and depraved

I have heard that I’m not supposed to be this way
And still the stones that are lifted fall down to stay
But I keep doubting and think one will strike my face

He’s been promising me something more than pain
Where the cost is grace and my loss is gain
And I have chosen because there is no other way
I either wallow in shame
Or humble myself and be saved
And be saved

the kind of musical giddiness this blog is really for

Don Chaffer is insane. I mean that in the sense that he's doing something really crazy, all out, and I LOVE IT. I mean, it's conceptual, it's performance art, it's no-holds-barred, it's (literally) kind of epic. Don says this about the attempt within the context of his usual Christian audience (although I am loathe to label his audience "usual"),

"The broader problem with broad swaths of evangelical subculture is dishonesty at an emotional level," Chaffer adds. "I was at a point in my life where I couldn't afford that. I had to get this stuff down."

Let's back up, before I left on my trip I mentioned that I was going to commit some more time/effort to listening to Don Chaffer's latest offering "The Khrusty Brothers" (likeminded blogpost here).

The Khrusty brothers is a concept piece centered around a fictional group of brothers in Appalachia. Like most good art, you sort of have to get into it to understand. Eventually Don wants to turn the concept into an off broadway rock musical. The play sounds AMAZING. Not only does the whole idea just make my head want to explode but the songs are SO GREAT for this story, not to mention the story would incorporate "Both of Us Will Feel the Blast" which I was just reflecting on the other day what an amazing song that is. If you were here I would be jumping up and down and trying to incoherently explain why everything about this is so awesome.

This is one of those moments where my friends claim they feel a lot of pressure when I'm like, "LISTEN TO THIS SONG IT'S AMAZING." Then I rave about why I think it's utterly unique and indispensable to the human deposit of art and then just look at whoever it is. (Liz. Claire.) They look back at me, uncomfortable. "Um, it was a good song." I sigh.

But I do it anyway.

So.

I LOVE THE BEGINNING. This song is funky from the beginning and draws you in right away, I think it captures the whole album the most easily if I had to pick a single song. The scene is set so well. Danny busts into the room and angels stop him in his sputtering anger.

Jesus says he can see him face to face if he thinks he's got the balls. YES! I love that! I really feel like that's true to Life! There is so much truth in this song!

The other part I think is just utterly wonderful is when Jesus pours himself a drink (I just shake my head in wonder at how artfully this is put together.) and explains that his fiancee is supposed to speak His mind and just doesn't get it. I so resonate with that, it's so earthy.

Then when Danny says he just gives up and the ANGELS SING IT UNDER THEIR BREATH- HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH. To me that little bit might be the most crafty part of the song because it's really the moment of revelation and the angels are rejoicing even though the narrator doesn't even really see what's going on.

With that you just have to try to appreciate it. This is from the CD release show including an intro from Cowboy Jesus (interestingly I've had a note on the side of my comp for a few years now to spark a poem and it just says "Jesus in red cowboy boots.") and then "Sympathy for Jesus" live.

I came stumbling into church with a hot gun in my hands.
I was ready to talk to Jesus, to tell him my demands.
Jesus ain't no fool, he's seen this kind of thing before,
And he had a couple of angels stop me at the front door

I said now come on, that ain't fair, you should be accessible to all.
He said, "everybody gets a secretary even just to take their phone calls.
So address me to my face if you think you've got the balls
but i ain't playing around boy at all."

Well this is not what i expected so i stiffened in my stance
and tried hard to remember every single shitty circumstance
then i quivered like a victim with his predator in sight
I was ready now to vindicate, I was ready to start a fight

Now you can stand right there and judge me.
Shoot, you can send me straight to hell.
I now you've got the power, I know that fact full well.
But before you do explain to me, why suffering? and why death?
and why did i pray all those years and waste all that good breath?

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

the angels sang it under their breath by the door

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I give up, I can't go on like this anymore.

"Well I appreciate your kind," he said, and then Jesus poured a drink.
For my face must have looked funny 'cause he said, "it's not like you think
you see I'm saddled with the job, oh, of interpreting my dad
to a bunch of frightened people, frightened or just mad."

"most of them think they've got it right,"
and then he threw some ice cubes in,
"but most of them are just dead wrong
about death and life and sin."

"And then I've got my fiancee, she's supposed to speak my mind,
sometimes she's just chicken and then she messes it up other times."

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

the angels sang it under their breath by the door.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I give up, I can't go on like this anymore.

A great article about the Khrusty Brothers live.


More evidence why I think you have to listen to any of Don's songs at least ten times before you can start to appreciate them. I've been listneing to "You Were At the Time for Love" recently. Between that and learning more about this album I decided I couldn't go any longer without having "What You Don't Know." Thoughts to come MUCH later (like after I've listened to the album at least ten times.)

a trio of songs for trinity sunday

first the complement to Misty Edwards' biblical usage: the first time I heard this song it was to run an errand for my friend Aleya and the CD just happened to be in the player. I was all, "Jennifer Knapp, how did you KNOW those were all my favorite verses?!"

The song is called "Trinity"



I went and saw the new Narnia movie tonight and it was actually a lot better than I expected. The song at the end was really good so I'm going to share it. It's Regina Spektor which is a sort of pleasant surprise.



I don't have a youtube for this last one; it's a song I've loved dearly since I first heard it and it just felt right tonight.

All I know
100 Portraits

today if there's ever been a day when I needed a rescue
I've been digging with all three hands a hole that I can't climb out from
someone throw me a rope
woven with the rounds of history
something I can believe in

someone told me a lie
someone told me
I should climb, so I tried
but I'm not that strong

someone found me, yeah
someone found me
He came down, pulled me out, bandaged me

Oh, all I know is
Love found me broken
Oh, all I know is
the Healer has freed me
from all of my shame
legs that were withered
are under me walking
I'm leaving this pain that I built with my pride
hands that were broken, now are waving goodbye

someone sold me a lie
someone told me
I should be in myself, but I'm not that tall
someone showed me
someone showed me
that I fall down
and call out, He will rescue me

Oh, all I know is
Love found me broken
Oh, all I know is
the Healer has freed me
from all of my shame
legs that were withered
are under me walking
I'm leaving this pain that I built with my pride
hands that were broken, now are waving goodbye

Oh, all I know is
Love found me broken
Oh, all I know is
the Healer has freed me
from all of my shame
legs that were twisted
are under me walking
I'm leaving this pain that I built with my pride
hands that were broken, now are waving goodbye
They are waving goodbye.

and the Hands that just healed me
draw me close to His side

I was broken, I was broken
Oh, this Hand has healed me, came and touched me, came and made me whole.
I said now I have to dance!
I lift it up
Oh now, all of my life I will sing!
Oh now, join me, join me, join me
Oh now, join me, join me, join me

Oh, all I know is
Love found me broken
Oh, all I know is goodbye lonely!
Goodbye, goodbye broken!
Goodbye, goodbye to blackness!
Goodbye to lonely!
Goodbye to hear my sin all in my mind
This Hand come around my left and
this Hand come around my right and
draw me close to the face of God!
I feel the kisses, I feel the holy something, the kisses from the mouth of my God!
And the sweet tears rolling and they hold me closer, sweet tears roll, hold me now.

whoa

If anyone knows me they know that 48 hours is more than enough time for me to become totally into something new. MISTY EDWARDS. I can't speak for the weird dance going on but this song is SO UNBELIEVABLE. It seriously makes me want to freak out- not many songs make me want to kickbox and pray in tongues at the same time, in fact this might be the only one. It's like some of the most powerful ideas and scriptures all rolled into one song. You have to listen to it to understand how crazy incredible it is.

People Get Ready
Misty Edwards

I can hear the rhythm
of the Lion of the tribe of Judah

He's doing a new thing
So we're singing a new song

He's not a baby in a manger anymore
He's not a broken man on a cross
He didn't stay in the grave
And He's not staying in heaven forever!

He's alive
He's alive
He's alive
He's alive!

People get ready!
Jesus is coming!

We join in the song of the ages
It's a new song
It's a new song
It's a new song

We say to the One who was slain,
"You have proven Your love,
And You have shown us, shown us
That You can be trusted."

So take the scroll and open
And open, and open the seals
We trust You, Jesus
And we want you to come back
So take the scroll and open the seals
So take the scroll and open the seals

I can hear the rhythm
of the Lion of the tribe of Judah

He's doing a new thing
So we're singing a new song

He's not a baby in a manger anymore
He's not a broken man on a cross
He didn't stay in the grave
And He's not staying in heaven forever!

He's alive
He's alive
He's alive
He's alive!

People get ready!
Jesus is coming!

People walking around
With their fingers in the their ears
Singing, "Da da da da da."
"I don't want to hear the sound of the coming King."

But He says, he says,
"Well, I have held my peace for
A long, long, long, long time
And in my silence you thought
That i was all together like you.
And in your heart you were settled in complacency
You said, 'He won't even respond.'
You said, 'He's not interested."
You said, 'He's dead and gone."
But I've been silent for such
A long, long, long, long time
But I'm about to gasp, to pant,
To cry out, to cry out,
I'm going to shout!"

Once again I'm going to shake
Everything that can be shaken
Once again I'm going to break
Everything that can be broken

Are you ready?
Are you ready for this?

Are you ready?
Are you ready?

People get ready!
Jesus is coming!

He's coming!
He's coming!
He's coming!
He's coming!!!

songs that stick

New Shiny Shoes
Sandra McCracken

It's been almost two years now since I saw you last
Sorry I remember you anyway 'cause you won't escort me out of your past
So you'd better just leave me here
'Cause I knew you when
Just take your new shiny shoes
You don't have to be my friend

Go ahead and walk away
Sever these last ties
I am nothing but a breath
And you're nothing but a lie

You got the last word when you left
to put me in my place
and you went off to your wild dreams
gone without a trace

While you follow that yellow brick road
to thine own self be true
and when you choose to go that way
in the end there is only you

Go ahead and walk away
Sever these last ties
I am nothing but a breath
And you're nothing but a lie

high on the sound of your own name
and this fleeting fanfare
the common ground is falling down
as if it was never there

while I'm still wearing this same old dress
my heart has come alive
and i will wait for your return
if you'll ever change your mind

Go ahead and walk away
Sever these last ties
I am nothing but a breath
And you're nothing but a lie

I wish I could find a way for you to actually hear this song
. Don't you love (and sometimes hate?) when there are songs that wrench on you again and again? Sometimes because they're too close to home and other times because it's so far from where you are?

I once went to a poetry reading to raise money for the situation in Darfur and two poets quoted Czeslaw Milosz, "Poetry doesn't change anything." Both poets, of course, attempting to disagree. I have to say perhaps the highest aim of art is to do just that: change something. Sometimes it's a subtle change in the way we approach something, sometimes it's picking up the phone to fight seeming inevitability, sometimes it leads us to more art or prayer, or conversation, and the ripples continue.

This song does all of that for me.

Judd & Maggie: Not Quite

I keep playing this song over and over.

Oh no, not again.
Start to feel abandoned
and my good intentions
are paving the long way
that gets longer every day.

Not enough, I'm never enough
when all the love you give me is a bluff
and I spend time on the meaningless stuff.
It's not enough.

Oh no, not again.
Trippin' me on my journey
and my hands stutter to explain
the same problem all over again.

I'm not enough, I'm never enough
when all the love you give me is a bluff
and I spend time on the meaningless stuff.
It's not enough.

Oh, it's not enough.

It's you only, or I'm lonely.
It's you only, or I'm lonely.

And I spend time on the meaningless stuff,
it's not enough.

It's not enough, never enough,
when all the love you give me is a bluff
and I spend time on the meaningless stuff.
It's not enough.

Oh, it's not enough.
(It's you only, or I'm lonely)
It's you only, or I'm lonely.
It's you only, or I'm lonely.

Rita Springer: I Have to Believe

So the cool thing about emusic.com is that for a monthly rate you get a whole slew of songs and, unlike a napster type service, it's DRM free. Sweet. I read the stats on the website and they say something like (because the lowest membership level is $10/30 songs a month) their users typically download 30 songs a month compared to an itunes user downloading 2 or 3 songs a month. I don't even WANT to track my monthly itunes spending but I know that for $10 I only get ten songs, not thirty, so their claim that their users are more likely to branch out and experiment with more music seems pretty well founded.

Case in point, I downloaded Rita Springer's new album, "I Have to Believe." I bought it based off of a few reviews I read that were positive and the fact that she sings "Freedom Reigns," a song I LOVE, and her song "Like You Jesus" was one I also really connected with and put on my Lent07 playlist.

So I decided to listen to the whole thing and although I don't know that this album will become one I come back to in its entirety time after time there are definitely songs that I think will reach that status, most notably "Rise Up." Anyone familiar with Neil Anderson's books would probably have the same immediate reference point but her lyrics really bring to mind his powerful Biblical statements of "Who I am in Christ."

I am blessed among the people
I am blessed among the nations
I am blessed because I am loved by You

I am loved and highly favored
Saved by the grace of a mighty Savior
I am blessed because I am loved by You

No weapon formed against me will prosper
No curse can ever take His promise from me

When hope is gone and the darkness has fallen
I will still believe, I will still believe

I`m will rise up, I`m will rise up
I`m will rise up and call myself blessed
I`m will rise up, I`m will rise up
I`m will rise up and call myself blessed

I also really like the track "O God Of Mine." I think it's gutsy to open a song by saying, O God of mine, I'll have no idols. I appreciate that.

Overall it sounds slightly more like something my Aunt Melody would like (nothing wrong with that, we just don't listen to TONS of the same stuff) than I normally listen to but there is an intensity and authenticity laced throughout which makes the songs truly inhabitable.

song for the day

I have been feeling recently the need to not be cool. Don't get me wrong, as this blog makes obvious, I am currently very uncool. But I still sometimes fight the desire to be cool. It's not a totally bad thing, we're made for community and I recognize the need to have commonalities and close relationships but I think there is a balance between that and the sometimes insidious lure of what C.S. Lewis describes as the "Inner Circle" (in his essay of the same name). I.E. to think oneself superior to others (for usually EXTREMELY superficial reasons) and create a sense of alienation and separation based on these things.

Anyway, to get away from this musically I've been adding in the really genuine (and, these days it seems, uncool) artists of the recent past to my repertoire, namely Keith Green and Rich Mullins. I've also been reading this book about Rich Mullins and, if it weren't on loan from my former roommate Liz's dad, it would be almost totally underlined. The funniest thing about it is how many songs of his I am familiar with but didn't realize he wrote, then I'm like, oh. I'm lame. This one, however, I hadn't heard before but am rapidly falling in love with.

Rich Mullins: My One Thing

Everybody I know says they need just one thing
And what they really mean is that they need just one thing more
And everybody seems to think they've got it coming
Well I know that I don't deserve You
Still I want to love and serve You more and more
You're my one thing

Save me from those things that might distract me
Please take them away and purify my heart
I don't want to lose the eternal for the things that are passing
'Cause what will I have when the world is gone
If it isn't for the love that goes on and on with

My one thing
You're my one thing
And the pure in heart shall see God
You're my one thing
You're my one thing
And the pure in heart shall see God

Who have I in Heaven but You Jesus?
And what better could I hope to find down here on earth?
I could cross the most distant reaches
Of this world, but I'd just be wasting my time
'Cause I'm certain already, I'm sure I'd find

You're my one thing (one thing)
You're my one thing (one thing)
And the pure in heart shall see God
You're my one thing (one thing)
You're my one thing (one thing)
And the pure in heart shall see God

Every night and every day
You hold on tight
Or you drift away
And you're left to live
With the choices you make
Oh Lord please give me the strength
To watch and work and love and sing and pray

'Cause who have I in Heaven but You Jesus?
And what better could I hope to find down here on earth?
Well I could cross the most distant reaches
Of this world, but I'd just be wasting my time
'Cause I'm certain already I'm sure I'd find

You're my one thing

the local "scene"

Nick Carleton Band at the Steaming Bean

Last night I went to see the Nick Carleton Band at a Christian bookstore and coffee shop in Parker and it was a good night. I was introduced to their music by one of the girls I work with. She made me a mix CD that included their song, "Father of My Dreams." Which, despite some unimaginative lyrics, is really touching and honest. Anyway, I found out they are a local band and I had wanted to go see them and it worked out that I could go last night. I was really impressed. Nick has a really remarkable voice. They were just sound checking and he started singing "Here is Our King" and sounded excellent! I love David Crowder and the way he writes worship songs but, for better or worse, many people have a hard time sounding good when they sing his songs because his voice is so distinctive and unique. I don't believe that someone has to necessarily sound like the original writer or recording artist but Crowder's songs do present a unique set of problems. But I have never heard anyone sound as clear and on key! They were really personable, I liked their other original songs, and it was a really excellent low-key environment. My only gripe was that they took forever to transition between songs.

Vigil Praise

One of the great things we do here in the Archdiocese of Denver is have vigil praise once a month at the John Paul II Center for the New Evangelization. The seminarians do the music and, I suppose, plan the liturgy. Anyway, it consists of Eucharistic adoration, Night Prayer, confession, readings, exhortation, and music. Tonight a priest from the Community of the Beatitudes gave an AWESOME exhortation. The guys who do music do a really good job, too. When we chant it's so lovely to have hundreds of people participating, they play acoustic style: guitar, congas, and keyboard. I love the atmosphere at vigil praise because, as we prayed tonight from Psalm 24, I genuinely feel like it is a community of people who want to be purified and see the face of the Lord.

Recently we've been singing Chris Tomlin's "Wonderful Maker" and it's a song I really love to sing. I especially love the parallelism at the beginning and the little contradictory phrase "how majestic Your whisper." It's sort of a healing kind of song.

You spread out the skies over empty space
Said "let there be light"
Into a dark and formless world Your light
was born

You spread out Your arms over empty hearts
Said "let there be light"
Into a dark and hopeless world Your Son
was born

You made the world and saw that it was good
You sent Your only Son for You are good

What a wonderful Maker
What a wonderful Savior
How majestic Your whispers
And how humble Your love
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a Father
How majestic Your whispers
What a wonderful God

No eye has fully seen, how beautiful the cross
And we have only heard
The faintest whispers of how great You are

Empty & Beautiful: As It Is In Heaven

This is one of those songs I am really glad that Matt blogged about and gave some reasons for the editing he chose to do. I was prepared to declare this song as grounds for feeling that Ed Cash had failed me (he produced this song and helped in the reshaping), but in light of Matt's thought changing directions from a song about the in-breaking kingdom through the incarnation and more about the out-breaking kingdom through giving and receiving mercy, doing the will of God "on earth as it is in heaven"...it makes sense and it feels laden and abundant as only scripture-rich songs can.

(original Advent-themed lyrics)

The rocks are crying out
for your glory to come down
and the whole world waits for you.
The people who walked in darkness
have seen the light of your holiness
and the whole waits for you, for you.

I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song.
I will sing, sing a new song to the Lord.

Let your kingdom come!
Let your will be done!
On earth as it is in heaven!

Every heart proclaim the mercy of your name, on earth as it is in heaven!

The rocks are crying out for your glory to come down
and the whole world waits for you.
The people who walked in darkness
have seen the light of your holiness
and the whole waits for you, for you.

I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song. I will sing, sing a new song to the Lord.

Let your kingdom come!
Let your will be done!
On earth as it is in heaven!

Every heart proclaim the mercy of your name, on earth as it is in heaven!

Let it be, let it be, be done unto me. Let it be, let it be, be done unto me.
Let it be, let it be, be done unto me. Let it be, let it be, be done unto me.

I really miss this last part, one of my favorite ways to pray this song was Mary's fiat here at the end. But the lovely piano melody stays. Bottom line: I am glad I have both of these songs.

Empty & Beautiful: Look Like a Fool

Look Like a Fool

Okay, I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that I love this song but I CAN'T HELP IT! I don't know why it sort of initially makes me cringe. Is it because there is something reminiscent of Matt West that rubs me the wrong way or is it because the opening verse is catchy but the lyrics are, like, what?! Apparently we have Bill Staines and his perky banjo to thank for this but I would be quite interested to know where that came from!

I really like the sentiment of the words (I can't sing so I like it when Matt says things like, "sing louder! God gave you that voice, so He deserves to hear it!" to people like me.) but am I the only one who thinks of this when I hear the words "bird on a wire"?



So despite that this song makes me really happy and, trust me, when I am in my car there will be car-dancing!

Plus after the cartoony lyric, I really like the words to this song. I like the emphasis on community (something I feel like Matt has always managed to describe well) and JUSTICE! Yes! I am so often turned off by singing "worship" songs that are all about our inner, individual relationship with Jesus with no context for finding Jesus in the least of these. Instead of praising the Lord joyfully I find myself stewing over scriptures like:

Amos 5

22 Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, ^[b]
I will have no regard for them.

23 Away with the noise of your songs!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.

24 But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

Isaiah 10

1 Woe to those who make unjust laws,
to those who issue oppressive decrees,

2 to deprive the poor of their rights
and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people,
making widows their prey
and robbing the fatherless.

3 What will you do on the day of reckoning,
when disaster comes from afar?
To whom will you run for help?
Where will you leave your riches?

Isaiah 5

8 Woe to you who add house to house
and join field to field
till no space is left
and you live alone in the land.

9 The LORD Almighty has declared in my hearing:
"Surely the great houses will become desolate,
the fine mansions left without occupants.

12 They have harps and lyres at their banquets,
tambourines and flutes and wine,
but they have no regard for the deeds of the LORD,
no respect for the work of his hands.

15 So man will be brought low
and mankind humbled,
the eyes of the arrogant humbled.

16 But the LORD Almighty will be exalted by his justice,
and the holy God will show himself holy by his righteousness.

So I like the final verse which point us to what worship is really about- if we follow Matt's injunctions throughout the song (lay down our sin...remember the day our freedom began) we can't help but be moved in this direction.

I appreciate the upside-downness of this song; that's what the Kingdom is about! And, yes!, it's absurd!

Finally, despite the uncertain beginning the song ends up rocking and I can't wait to hear Matt and the guys rock it live. I especially love the drums towards the end. Plus it has that extremely reckless, joyfully vulnerable, lack of pretension a la Crowder's "Undignified."

One of my roommates once declared that even King David would be embarrassed to dance with me (thanks Ronnie.) but with this song we could definitely give it a shot!

look like a fool
matt maher

all God's creatures got a place in the choir
some sing low and some sing higher
some just hang out like a bird on a wire
waiting to fly home

all God's children are the apple of his eye
even the ones we can't stand sometimes
but because [...] just to go outside
and i need something to sing with this neighbor of mine

and that's why grace is so amazing!
that's why love is so absurd!
and that's why i sing for a God of changing
that's why i don't care if i look like a fool!

all God's people got a reason to live
joy for the hard days and true love to give
and we raise our hands and lay down our sin
and remember the day our freedom began

(chorus)
foolish grace is so amazing!
that's why love is so absurd!
that's why I sing for a God of changing!
that's why I don't care if I look like a fool!

feeding the hungry, clothing the naked
giving the homeless a place to rest
visiting the prisoner
lifting up the lowly
by our fruits may you shine on us!
shine on us! shine on us!
Lord, shine on us!

(chorus)

Empty & Beautiful Part 1: YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH

The bottom line: this song rocks and you can pray it too! Or, why you should spend 99 cents on a song you have three copies of already.

I wanted to really dissect this song and exuberantly exclaim why I love it so much but the reasons aren't very complicated- the words are great, it's fun to sing, it has strong imagery, it makes an excellent prayer. I guess a lot of it hinges on this last bit because it is a good mix of worship.

I'll poke my head in a conversation worship leaders have with themselves and the Lord about how to balance songs that are introspective in the sense that we like to "pray" very me-focused songs. ("I Could Sing of Your Love Forever"? Great song, but also very self-centered in a certain sense.) The psalms have this tension as well; how do we pray GOD centered prayers that plausibly come from a human heart? Matt's lyrics in this song really hit a nearly perfect balance on this problem because it biblically describes God's personality and activity and then turns it around with a plea and praise in response. Great is Your faithfulness Oh God, You wrestle with the sinner's restless heart...so remember your people, remember your children...your grace is enough, heaven reaching down to us...your grace is enough for me.

Not to add to what has to be the stupidest "controversy" ever but this song instead of being "better" or "worse" than Matt's original or Chris Tomlin's cover, genuinely feels like an organic evolution that weds the strengths of both versions. Chris' is slightly simpler and more singable (VERY TOMLIN), Matt's original was a little wordy for some people to catch on quickly and not quite as polished.

The Lyrical Breakdown
Matt's original had the opening of the verses going "Great is your [attribute of God] Oh God of Jacob." Tomlin removed this, the E&B version omits it in the first verse and restores it in the second- what a happy compromise! Tomlin also changed Maher's original "You wrestle with the sinner's restless heart" to simply say "You wrestle with the sinner's heart." Matt's newer version reinstates that line. My only beef there is that it makes more sense to restore the "God of Jacob" in the FIRST verse where it is weightier with the lyrics he originally wrote (it makes the clever "you wrestle with the sinner's restless heart" line have more of a biblical context and emphasizes the double entendre).

And finally what I've been waiting to say for this whole blog: I LOVE THE BRIDGE!!! This to me is what makes this particular recording unique. It shouldn't surprise you that I have been trying to find a version of this song that includes the bridge I have heard Matt and Chris sing live (actually Tomlin's live recording on Passion's "How Great is Our God" has the same words but I have heard them both use interchangeable phrases here, which is another great thing about the bridge- it's extremely flexible) and have not been able to. Therefore I exhort all of you to listen (and more importantly, SING) to this recording, the bridge really does its job on multiple levels. It's a nice break in the song musically, it nicely wraps the song emotionally, and even though the words are simple they are true. your grace is enough/heaven reaching down to us/we're covered in your love/your grace is enough for me

New Mercies for Divine Mercy Sunday

I've been trying to write a review of Alli Rogers' newest album (which I realized the other day isn't officially released until, like, April 15th?) but I've been stuck and the reason is simple and not-so-simple. It all centers on her beautiful, aching song "New Today." I love this song, really love it. After seeing her last year in Chicago I listened to "At Sea" so many times in our living room and on my ipod and this song was the most poignant that I had never heard before.

There are so many reasons this song reaches so deep but for me I think it's just that I relate to the core of the song- what does it mean to be made new? where are the places in me that crave new mercies? I know all too well the experience of loneliness, shame, and despair and this song captures those feelings and distills them into a single narrative peppered with strong images and vulnerable searching questions.

So when I heard the further edited version of this song on "You and The Evening Sky" I was really saddened. I have thought about what caused this reaction, because I don't want to be someone who isn't artistically flexible (later entries will discuss the changes I do and do not like in the editing of songs on Matt Maher's new album) but my point is I know what it is like to write something, create something, and need to edit it. There are many reasons to change things (one of my friends even pointed out that it might be as simple as the words being easier to sing because of their shape) and I would really like to know what influenced the editing of this song- in her interviews with Don, Alli mentioned that this song went through some of the most editing and I was very intrigued by that statement. So, without being reactionary, I tried to pinpoint some of the reasons I feel like the newly released studio version of this song feels watered down.

My friend, Amanda, and I have had more than one long discussion about this song and its narrator. Who is the main figure and what is the song narrating? What is the song even about or trying to say? Is it a woman going to a friend's wedding? Her own wedding? A funeral? Simply a Sunday morning service? Is it about weariness? Sin? Desperation? Renewal?

Songs have to stand on their own so I believe any of the above interpretations can be "right" even without definitive information on what the artist's intent was. However, in the interest of full disclosure I will say that I want the song to be about a woman at her own wedding and, among the really interesting implications that has about the song as a whole, I based this partially on the lyric about "staring at the beads sewn in my dress" and the undercurrent of the song's narrator begging, "all I want is everything new today" pitted against the statement "I don't know if anything feels new today." Anyone who has heard the "new" version of the song might be confused- because ALL of these lyrics have been edited out!

On the other hand, in the later version everything is implicit and I am conflicted on if this is working or not. I know it's implicit because in the earlier version it's explicit: all I want is everything new today. With that statement edited away and the other one changed ("I dont' know if anything feels new today") it's replaced by the stronger statement, "nothing feels new today." I like that it has more teeth, in a sense, because it's less questioning- wow! NOTHING feels new today? But it leaves OUT the sentiment that makes those teeth sharp- that the opposite is what the narrator wants most! Without this does it matter that "nothing is new today"?

So we get to ask my favorite question: WHAT IS AT STAKE HERE?

How I feel about the later version of the song is directly related to how I answer this question. I think what is at stake in this song is the very concept of what it means to be treated with "new mercy." New MERCY is what makes all things new today. Which brings me to the other lyrical edits that aren't working for me. In the second verse where the narrator is on the church steps with her companion of shame she voices this in the two different ways:

and I'm wondering if Jesus
could even love me now
when I'm covered in a shame I can't let go
(earlier)

vs.

I'm wondering what Jesus
thinks about me now
still carrying a shame I can't let go
(later)

I admit that the change seems minor but I think it's important because of what is underneath. The SCANDAL of Christianity and the Incarnation is that God LOVES humanity and is willing to sacrifice everything He has to redeem us with "new mercy." In today's Christian culture we're almost inundated with the heartbreaking cliche that "Jesus loves you!" So to me the first version asks the question at the heart of the matter- Christianity hinges on this question and it is THE question Christians have to reconcile in their hearts, not just their heads. We are presented with the answer in the scriptures and then we have to accept or reject the truth there provided and learn how to live under that truth and have it influence everything about our lives. What is the impediment to easily feeling like Jesus (who called all creation good and loves even the tax collectors, sinners, and prostitutes) must love us? John states simply that God IS love, so shouldn't the answer be pretty obvious? Anyone who has struggled with the question should offer at least a wry smile because the enemy of allowing the love of God to be our deepest reality is exactly what Alli pinpoints in this song- shame. In a talk I heard John Piper give at Passion07 he discusses shame and how to deal with it, one of the things he talks about is how the only thing that can keep us from heaven is unforgiven sin. The only thing that really keeps us from asking for forgiveness and accepting Christ's perfect substitution is shame and despair. So, although I will admit it's mainly semantics here, I think the image of being covered in shame is stronger and more visceral than "carrying" that same shame.

Here are the lyrics of both versions in full:

New Today (You & The Evening Sky)

new shoes in the closet, box is on the floor
dress is laid out nicely on the bed
a song is singing slowly
across the street and through my door
and turning over memories in my head
nothing feels new today
I'm just trying to catch the words
before they float away
they're singing

great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
morning by morning
morning by morning
morning by morning

walking up the church steps
I stop to look around
people seem to stare just like they know
I'm wondering what Jesus
thinks about me now
still carrying a shame I can't let go
nothing feels new today
I'm just trying to catch the words
before they float away
they're singing...

mercy sounds so holy
for people who are wise
and tears are falling softly on my dress
I feel like an imposter
wearing someone else's prize
and my heart's about to beat out of my chest
nothing feels new today
I'm just trying to catch the words before they float away
don't float away keep singing...

new mercies I see
could you sing some mercies over me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Today (At Sea)

new shoes in the closet, box is on the floor
dress is laid out nicely on the bed
a song is singing slowly
one I've heard before
the tune is playing over in my head
and I'm sitting here all lonely
just trying to catch the words
before they float away
but I don't know if anything feels new today

I'm walking up the church steps
I stop to look around
people seem to stare just like they know
and I'm wondering if Jesus could even love me now
when I'm covered in a shame I can't let go
and I'm standing here all lonely
just trying to catch the words
before they float away
but I don't know if anything feels new today
they're singing...

great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
morning by morning
morning by morning
morning by morning

but mercy sounds so holy
for people who are wise
and I stare down at the beads sewn in my dress
I feel like an imposter
wearing someone else's prize
and my heart's about to beat out of my chest
oh, and I'm standing here all lonely
I'm just trying to catch the words before they float away
'cause all I want is everything new today
they're singing...

new mercies
new mercies
new mercies I see
could you sing some mercies over me?
could you sing some mercies over me?
oh, 'cause all I want is everything new today.


Besides the lyrics already noted I mainly feel that the images are stronger in the "At Sea" version, with the disclaimer that concrete imagery is basically my favorite method of writing.

In order to not sound like I'm totally downing the version on the new album I do think there are some cool things about- most notably I love the way the music swells during the first chorus, the sound mimics well the emotion behind the lyrics of hopefulness and I really like that. I also really like how clean the newer version is- again I can't decide if it's at the cost of greater complexity, but if the "At Sea" version shows up on my doorstep out of breath, with haunted eyes, the "You and The Evening Sky" knocks exactly on time, with perfect makeup, and everything in its place.

I still love this song, I still find it incredibly interesting and important. I believe many listeners will really connect with the desire to accept the "new mercies" God is constantly singing over us and that is a powerful thing.

Maybe now that that's off my chest I can tell you about the rest of the album. :)

a good song for my drive this morning

I caught myself
Looking in the mirror
Wishing I was someone else
Cause I was born
With a bleeding heart
And veins of loneliness

And I know it, I’ve seen it,
I’ve held it in my arms
But love can’t seem to break me down

And I’ve pleaded, I’ve begged
And I’ve bloodied my eyes
Just to feel it
To believe it will stick around

Swing wide the glimmering gates

I told myself
The habits and secrets
Were just to get me through
To get me through the nights
But I got lost
In a world of angles
In a city of greys and lies

And I feel it, I taste it
This longing to be free
Oh, the joy of believing like a child

So you, you there listening
Will you send up a prayer
For me
To help me find the light

Swing wide the glimmering gates
Leave your pride and pain
Swing wide the glimmering gates
And be innocent again

One day I believe
I will open up my eyes
To see the good work that was begun
And I’ll be the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be
And I’ll know that I belong

Swing wide the glimmering gates
Leave your pride and pain
Swing wide the glimmering gates
And be innocent again

God, help Andy find the light, help ME find the light...