New Mercies for Divine Mercy Sunday

I've been trying to write a review of Alli Rogers' newest album (which I realized the other day isn't officially released until, like, April 15th?) but I've been stuck and the reason is simple and not-so-simple. It all centers on her beautiful, aching song "New Today." I love this song, really love it. After seeing her last year in Chicago I listened to "At Sea" so many times in our living room and on my ipod and this song was the most poignant that I had never heard before.

There are so many reasons this song reaches so deep but for me I think it's just that I relate to the core of the song- what does it mean to be made new? where are the places in me that crave new mercies? I know all too well the experience of loneliness, shame, and despair and this song captures those feelings and distills them into a single narrative peppered with strong images and vulnerable searching questions.

So when I heard the further edited version of this song on "You and The Evening Sky" I was really saddened. I have thought about what caused this reaction, because I don't want to be someone who isn't artistically flexible (later entries will discuss the changes I do and do not like in the editing of songs on Matt Maher's new album) but my point is I know what it is like to write something, create something, and need to edit it. There are many reasons to change things (one of my friends even pointed out that it might be as simple as the words being easier to sing because of their shape) and I would really like to know what influenced the editing of this song- in her interviews with Don, Alli mentioned that this song went through some of the most editing and I was very intrigued by that statement. So, without being reactionary, I tried to pinpoint some of the reasons I feel like the newly released studio version of this song feels watered down.

My friend, Amanda, and I have had more than one long discussion about this song and its narrator. Who is the main figure and what is the song narrating? What is the song even about or trying to say? Is it a woman going to a friend's wedding? Her own wedding? A funeral? Simply a Sunday morning service? Is it about weariness? Sin? Desperation? Renewal?

Songs have to stand on their own so I believe any of the above interpretations can be "right" even without definitive information on what the artist's intent was. However, in the interest of full disclosure I will say that I want the song to be about a woman at her own wedding and, among the really interesting implications that has about the song as a whole, I based this partially on the lyric about "staring at the beads sewn in my dress" and the undercurrent of the song's narrator begging, "all I want is everything new today" pitted against the statement "I don't know if anything feels new today." Anyone who has heard the "new" version of the song might be confused- because ALL of these lyrics have been edited out!

On the other hand, in the later version everything is implicit and I am conflicted on if this is working or not. I know it's implicit because in the earlier version it's explicit: all I want is everything new today. With that statement edited away and the other one changed ("I dont' know if anything feels new today") it's replaced by the stronger statement, "nothing feels new today." I like that it has more teeth, in a sense, because it's less questioning- wow! NOTHING feels new today? But it leaves OUT the sentiment that makes those teeth sharp- that the opposite is what the narrator wants most! Without this does it matter that "nothing is new today"?

So we get to ask my favorite question: WHAT IS AT STAKE HERE?

How I feel about the later version of the song is directly related to how I answer this question. I think what is at stake in this song is the very concept of what it means to be treated with "new mercy." New MERCY is what makes all things new today. Which brings me to the other lyrical edits that aren't working for me. In the second verse where the narrator is on the church steps with her companion of shame she voices this in the two different ways:

and I'm wondering if Jesus
could even love me now
when I'm covered in a shame I can't let go
(earlier)

vs.

I'm wondering what Jesus
thinks about me now
still carrying a shame I can't let go
(later)

I admit that the change seems minor but I think it's important because of what is underneath. The SCANDAL of Christianity and the Incarnation is that God LOVES humanity and is willing to sacrifice everything He has to redeem us with "new mercy." In today's Christian culture we're almost inundated with the heartbreaking cliche that "Jesus loves you!" So to me the first version asks the question at the heart of the matter- Christianity hinges on this question and it is THE question Christians have to reconcile in their hearts, not just their heads. We are presented with the answer in the scriptures and then we have to accept or reject the truth there provided and learn how to live under that truth and have it influence everything about our lives. What is the impediment to easily feeling like Jesus (who called all creation good and loves even the tax collectors, sinners, and prostitutes) must love us? John states simply that God IS love, so shouldn't the answer be pretty obvious? Anyone who has struggled with the question should offer at least a wry smile because the enemy of allowing the love of God to be our deepest reality is exactly what Alli pinpoints in this song- shame. In a talk I heard John Piper give at Passion07 he discusses shame and how to deal with it, one of the things he talks about is how the only thing that can keep us from heaven is unforgiven sin. The only thing that really keeps us from asking for forgiveness and accepting Christ's perfect substitution is shame and despair. So, although I will admit it's mainly semantics here, I think the image of being covered in shame is stronger and more visceral than "carrying" that same shame.

Here are the lyrics of both versions in full:

New Today (You & The Evening Sky)

new shoes in the closet, box is on the floor
dress is laid out nicely on the bed
a song is singing slowly
across the street and through my door
and turning over memories in my head
nothing feels new today
I'm just trying to catch the words
before they float away
they're singing

great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
morning by morning
morning by morning
morning by morning

walking up the church steps
I stop to look around
people seem to stare just like they know
I'm wondering what Jesus
thinks about me now
still carrying a shame I can't let go
nothing feels new today
I'm just trying to catch the words
before they float away
they're singing...

mercy sounds so holy
for people who are wise
and tears are falling softly on my dress
I feel like an imposter
wearing someone else's prize
and my heart's about to beat out of my chest
nothing feels new today
I'm just trying to catch the words before they float away
don't float away keep singing...

new mercies I see
could you sing some mercies over me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Today (At Sea)

new shoes in the closet, box is on the floor
dress is laid out nicely on the bed
a song is singing slowly
one I've heard before
the tune is playing over in my head
and I'm sitting here all lonely
just trying to catch the words
before they float away
but I don't know if anything feels new today

I'm walking up the church steps
I stop to look around
people seem to stare just like they know
and I'm wondering if Jesus could even love me now
when I'm covered in a shame I can't let go
and I'm standing here all lonely
just trying to catch the words
before they float away
but I don't know if anything feels new today
they're singing...

great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
great is thy faithfulness
morning by morning
morning by morning
morning by morning

but mercy sounds so holy
for people who are wise
and I stare down at the beads sewn in my dress
I feel like an imposter
wearing someone else's prize
and my heart's about to beat out of my chest
oh, and I'm standing here all lonely
I'm just trying to catch the words before they float away
'cause all I want is everything new today
they're singing...

new mercies
new mercies
new mercies I see
could you sing some mercies over me?
could you sing some mercies over me?
oh, 'cause all I want is everything new today.


Besides the lyrics already noted I mainly feel that the images are stronger in the "At Sea" version, with the disclaimer that concrete imagery is basically my favorite method of writing.

In order to not sound like I'm totally downing the version on the new album I do think there are some cool things about- most notably I love the way the music swells during the first chorus, the sound mimics well the emotion behind the lyrics of hopefulness and I really like that. I also really like how clean the newer version is- again I can't decide if it's at the cost of greater complexity, but if the "At Sea" version shows up on my doorstep out of breath, with haunted eyes, the "You and The Evening Sky" knocks exactly on time, with perfect makeup, and everything in its place.

I still love this song, I still find it incredibly interesting and important. I believe many listeners will really connect with the desire to accept the "new mercies" God is constantly singing over us and that is a powerful thing.

Maybe now that that's off my chest I can tell you about the rest of the album. :)